He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
