all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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