found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
