Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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