Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
