FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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