imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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