I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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