you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Quick, to the slutcave!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I got inside last night via doggy door
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
