dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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