One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
