A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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