If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
