god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
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