I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
