i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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