I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
