I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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