then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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