Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
