Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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