I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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