Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
