Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
