I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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