Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
