tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
