I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
