he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
