I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
