I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
