i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
