Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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