just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Vodka?
Forever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
