I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She even gives head with a lisp.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
