woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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