just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
