I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You're like the curious george of whores
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
