she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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