pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
