Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
