So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
