I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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