Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
