i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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