I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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