He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
