Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If that was your dad, he is hot
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
