His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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