I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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