Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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