It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
