I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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