i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This is classic penis vs brain.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
