I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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