3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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