it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
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This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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