We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
