Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
