so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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