Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
