i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
