Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
