So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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