That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
