I molested 6 butterflies tonight
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
