guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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