My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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