Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize