It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
