I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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