ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
