She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
