Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
