Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
