This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
