had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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