girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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