Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
